Category Archives: Cleveland

A Couple Kids From Cleveland

I’ve been asked countless times over the past several months from my non-Cleveland buddies to sum up my thoughts on my teams and this whirlwind of a summer. No doubt the same questions most of you are fielding as well, such as “So, thoughts on LeBron?” or “Will Manziel get that starting spot?”. I lost count of the number of articles I’ve read from Clevelanders and non-Clevelanders on how we should feel, who’s going to play, who’s going to win, who’s going to do what, how much money is going to pour in, what the analysts are saying, etc. And you know what? I’ll take every second of it. I can’t wait to see every bar and restaurant on 25th and 6th filled to the brim every night of the week. Those people and economy deserve it. I’m counting down the days until I can see LeBron run out onto the court at the Q and toss up that chalk. And Johnny Football, the most electrifying college football player in recent memory, suiting up for the Brown and Orange? First time in my 26 years I’ve actually welcomed the thought of summer ending so we can get this show on the road.

Needless to say there’s about 500 different topics that could be addressed about the current sports situation in Cleveland. But the one I’m enjoying more than any other involves two guys that will be running out of the tunnel this fall at FirstEnergy Stadium.

Enter Brian Hoyer and Donte Whitner.

If there’s one thing I can appreciate more than any other sports topic in Cleveland, it’s seeing hometown guys playing for the hometown teams. I’m as big a LeBron fan as anyone, but it’s about time he started sharing the “hometown kid” title.

NFL: Preseason-Detroit Lions at Cleveland BrownsSan-Francisco-49ers-strong-safety-Donte-Whitner

Brief recap for anyone living under a rock lately:

Brian Hoyer

Born on the Westside in ’85, played QB at Ignatius and graduated in ’03. Went to play QB at Michigan State under John L. Smith and Dantonio. Undrafted in ’09 but picked up by New England where he was awarded the role of understudy to Tom Brady for a couple years. Released in 2012 then had a few short stints with the Steelers and Cardinals before coming back to the 216.

Donte (w)Hitner

Born in Cleveland, also in ’85. Played high school for the legendary Ginn Sr. at Glenville, also graduating in ’03. Accepted a scholarship offer and played at Ohio State for a few years before transferring to San Jose State University. Drafted by Buffalo in 2006 – first round, 8th pick.

Quick Fact: As Whitner was playing football outside of his house when he was 6 years old, he chased a ball into the street and was struck by a car. His leg was broken in 30+ places and doctors told him he may never walk again. Think about that for a second, then take a quick look here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBEdigBUoN8

They’ve seen the same Cleveland we have over the years. Watched the same teams, same games, same victories, same heartbreaks. Both grew up just a few minutes from the field, both hoping to run out of that tunnel some day. They understand the blood and tears we pour into every damn season and team, regardless of last week/year’s outcome.

Now veterans, they’re going to be leaders in that locker room, one on each side of the ball. They understand better than probably anyone on that team how much a successful season means to Cleveland. They get to pump up an entire team with not only their raw talents, but with battle scars from years of Cleveland sports past. Every Sunday when they look up at that maniacal, beautiful Dawg Pound, they’ll see their entire city looking back at them. A privilege few have ever received.

Just a couple kids from Cleveland.

Let’s go.

– @KTuleta

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47 Signs You Know You’re From Cleveland

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by Kevin Tuleta

**APRIL 2015 UPDATE: Wrote this way back in 2013; obviously a lot has changed since then (specifically in our sports department), so a full rewrite will be out in the near future.**

1. You play corn hole. Not bags. And it’s most likely a custom set with your high school/college/Cleveland team on it

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2. Put-in-Bay + Kelley’s Island may as well be the Bahamas + Hawaii.

3. Saturdays at noon bring out the best in our football abilities

4. And Sundays at 1pm bring out the worst

5. You or someone in your family has played hockey their entire life

6. You have, or will experience at least one east coaster ask “How big is your farm?” when telling them where you’re from

7. You automatically assume a catastrophic event is unfolding when a traffic jam lasts longer than 30 seconds heading into downtown

8. You are absolutely baffled that people still ask how you feel about LeBron 

9. Daydreaming about a championship parade rolling through downtown is a common occurrence

10. You have come to take pride in our river setting on fire multiple times

11. You know how to say bagel, pillow, and milk the right way

12. When people bring up the Fumble/Drive/Shot/Decision, you counter with the ’90s Indians.

13. You have great difficulty trying to explain the joy that is Christmas Ale to non-Clevelanders

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14. It’s a cookout, not a barbecue. 

15. If offered a million dollars, you still wouldn’t be able to name all starting quarterbacks since 1999.

16. You have never once muttered the name Progressive Field and never will. Your future children and theirs will always call it The Jake.

17. There is a good chance you have a Cleveland Lumberjacks t-shirt or plastic cup somewhere in your attic.

18. You know what The Holy War is

19. There is a strong chance you have used the “we have the best hospital in the world, even Kings and Queens come here!” argument when defending our town.

20. Every night at every bar is an accidental high school reunion.

21. It’s pop. Take your “soda” elsewhere.

22. You constantly wonder what downtown + The Flats will look like in ten years.

23. East Side vs. West Side

24. Obligatory Cedar Point comment

25. You’ve taken one taxi ride your entire life

26. You wouldn’t even think to look twice when seeing someone with Christmas lights still up in July

27. “I’m 30% Polish 30% Irish and a mix of some other stuff”

28. Temperature above 40 degrees? Shorts and flip flops it is!

29. All of your snow days growing up occurred in April

30. “Dinner” is the third meal of the day

31. Of course it smells like dead fish – it’s Lake Erie.

32. The Q? The Gund.

33. You put your trash on the “tree lawn”

34. The Feast

35. Big Chuck and Little John commercials

36. You don’t have a clue how to navigate University Circle

37. Walleye and Perch are delicacies

38. You don’t know Easter without Malley’s

39. You either experienced or been told about 10 cent beer night

40. You know where Deer Hunter and The Avengers were filmed

41. Serpentini – American and prooooooooooooooud of it.

42. Everything is “20 minutes” from everything

43. You’ve dumped at least 100 pennies in the Tower City fountains in your lifetime

44. Friday Fish Fry? See you there.

45. Saint Patrick’s Day > Christmas

46. Anything below Columbus may as well be the deep south

47. People bash on Cleveland all day long – but no one does it as well as you can.

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